| Let Go |
[19 Sep 2007|11:25pm] |
Well, no one is ever going to read this, so this is purely for myself and what I'd like to call a little therapy session. Sometimes it's just good to write down your thoughts... so here it goes.
Life is moving extremely fast. I'm already in my Junior year at FGCU. Like, WHAT THE HELL?!?! haha Honestly though, where did the past 2 years go? I'll be done with undergrad in 2 years... I know it's still 2 years away but I'm already stressing over where I want to go for grad school. Is that unnecessary, or am I just logical? I know I sometimes end up planning too far ahead of myself, and there really is no point. Because by the time I've gotten there things have completely changed. I don't know. I've been stressing a lot. Maybe because I'm realizing how quickly I'm growing up, I just want to make sure that I'm on the right path in life, so that I eventually get all of those things I've always wanted.
These past few months I've done a lot of growing up. I'm not as naive as I once was. I guess I've just learned how to deal with situations. I've learned that I have no control over other people's actions, and I can't beat myself up about it anymore. And it's not even like I'm mad about it, I just know how it works... and I guess I've just become use to it. (Note if you actually are reading this, you have no idea what I'm talking about... and that's because this post is purely for me and my thoughts.)
In other news... I'm so set to head up to Tally, I can't wait to visit Mere. I miss her like crazy. When I'm up there I really want to check out the art studio on campus, and get a feel for things. FSU has an AMAZING art history program and I'm considering looking into Grad School there. I am desperate for some art courses. I can't wait. I was actually going to see about maybe getting an internship at the Alliance for the Arts. I don't know if they even offer a position, but I would LOVE to work in a local art gallery. Maybe even downtown. We will see....
I guess I just miss the arts and how much of a rush I get when I am enrapt in it all.
Well I am headed to bed now, my favorite time of the day. There is nothing better than when my day has come to a close... No stresses or worries, and everything just get's kinda quiet. And then the best part of all... a deep sleep and a slip into my dreams....
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| Not gonna settle... |
[10 Jun 2007|10:59am] |
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mood |
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 hopeful |
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So today I realized something. I realized that in this day in age, it is becoming normal for an everyday woman to be single. I mean back in the day most women met their high school sweet hearts, got married and started having babies at a young age. But it seems to me, that most women stay single and don't get married now until their in their thirties... I don't know, I guess I just notice it more and more everyday... and I think it is because of one very important reason. Women just aren't settling anymore.
I see it in me too... for a huge majority of my life, I've been the girl who is always single... I've never been tied down. And it's NOT because I don't want a boyfriend or a relationship.... it's because I just won't settle for anything less than butterflies. And it's not like I'm looking for the perfect guy, because I am in no means perfect. I guess I am just waiting for the guy that completes me, as corny as it may sound. I’m waiting for that perfect person for me; a best friend, a lover, a person who makes me laugh everyday and knows just how to make me smile. But most importantly I guess I am just searching for that person that I can spend the rest of my life with. In the midst of all this dreaming however, hearts are broken and people can give away too much of themselves to others. I just wonder how many times one heart has to suffer until they find that perfect person for them. I personally have crushed so hard that my heart in fact aches. The feeling is horrible, and you can't be free from it. It resides in you until you can't bear it anymore, and sometimes... you just need a good cry.
However these feelings that seem to be almost unbearable at times do make us stronger. "Anyone who hasn’t been hurt is either very lucky or very lonely." And indeed this is true. Everyone has suffered at some point.
My fear however is that what if I don't meet that perfect person for me? What if I remain that single woman who lives at home with her four cats? What if? I guess it's all a matter of what if?
I do know one thing is for sure, and that is that I'll keep searching and dreaming for that one day, when everything will fall into place and things will at last make sense. No settling...
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| I'm getting old! |
[07 May 2007|10:39pm] |
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mood |
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 relaxed |
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So... I honestly forgot about livejournal... haha until Mere and I went on last night. I decided to go back and read some of my old entries, like back from when I was in high school, and my freshman year of college. I WAS SO STUPID! haha It's just funny how much I've changed... I'm getting so OLD! Seriously tomorrow is my half birthday, 6 more months until I turn freaking 21! It's just so weird to me how things have changed. I can't believe I'll be going into my junior year of college. Where did those 2 years go???
However, some things stay the same...
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| ummmmmm... |
[16 Jul 2006|01:23pm] |
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mood |
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 weirded out |
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I miss Paris... Like sooo much! I go through withdrawls somedays... Last night I went and saw the Devil Wears Prada... for the second time! lol... but I went with my friend Noel that I worked at Gap with... she is seriously one of the sweetest girls. But we also ate at Domiaco and Sons... Spl? but anyways, it was really nice to just have a relaxing night. I have worked everyday this past week... 7 long days straight... so it was nice to have a break... But I had a really weird encounter last night too. After the movie I wanted to run over to Barnes and Noble for a minute, and I ended up buying something, but when I went up to checkout, the guy that was ringing me out said something really weird... as i was leaving he was like, " have a good last tuesday." and i was like ha... okay weirdo, but then i was thinking... what the hell is that supposed to mean? " Have a good last tuesday?" Like... dude am I gonna die or something.... I don't know it creeped me out though... like i dont get it, and he said it to me so seriously. I think i might have to go back and be like dude, wtf is that supposed to mean??? But yeah, I ended up not being able to sleep last night... like at all. haha Alison called me late at like 2:30, and we talked til over 3 in the morning.... haha but i couldn't sleep. fucking weird guy. IF I DIE ON TUESDAY I LOVE ALL OF YOU! It was just weird that he said that to me yesterday, because all of yesterday (during the day) I was even thinking about me dieing... I know it sounds weird, but don't you ever think like, " I wonder who would come to my funeral if I died? I wonder who would actually care?" I just think about it a lot lately... I don't know. why... Anything could happen to anyone, someone's life could be gone in a second. That's why you gotta forget about the bullshit, and do what makes you happy, be with the people you love and enjoy life! DUDE... I'm creeping myself out though... anyways... I'm gonna go now.
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| I use to be attracted to boys who would lie to me.... the more tragic the better. |
[16 Jun 2006|11:50pm] |
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mood |
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 satisfied |
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So I just got home from seeing the Break up. And let me tell you, this movie is one of the best I've seen in a long time. It was so true to life, I recommend anyone see it. But it got me thinking, about relationships and love.
I don't know how strongly I can stress the fact that I am completely happy being single. For once in my life lately, I've realized I just love being me, and can't settle for any guy right now. I believe that 1 and 1 make 2. I don't need someone else to make me whole. And during this time in my life... I can be completely selfish. And think of me, and only me......
Guys will always remain a mystery to me though. I honestly do NOT understand the way the male mind works. I don't know if I ever truly will!
But I DO know that relationships take a ton of work. SOOO MUCH work.... but most importantly, it's meeting that right person for you that is the hard part. The one thing that is exciting though, is learning more and more about yourself through every relationship you make. Even though one break up may be a complete DISASTER, it's all just preparing you for the next venture to come along.
So here's to many of many mistakes to come! All preparing me for the one day when I meet the right guy for me.
-Mack <3
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[26 May 2006|12:49pm] |
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yaaaaay for mere's bday party tonight! happy early birthday mere! LOVEEE YOUUUU!
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| BOOORRREEEDDD |
[10 May 2006|12:58am] |
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mood |
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 bored |
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hey soooo there is nothing to do, so I'm gonna share a picture! ahaha... I call it my america's next top model pose... mere would understand... ahaha, basically I'm bored. lol , so here is a picture! Oh and p.s.- I miss Josh more then anything. And he misses me like crazy. I think we are both going to go mad... yeah, most likely... lol
http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b225/kenz86/IMGP20842.jpg
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| I miss him! |
[03 May 2006|05:02pm] |
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mood |
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bored |
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I miss him so much you guys! lol... we have been talking to eachother like every single second possible.. haha if i'm online, i'm talking to him... other then that, i'm on the phone with him... sorry dad for this months cell phone bill!!! lol ooopppsss... but yeah like seriously, we miss eachother like crazy. I gotta go, but I'll update later... bye!
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| huge relief.... |
[02 May 2006|07:52am] |
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I passed all of my classes!!! omg sooooo happy right now! i can't even explain!!! yessss! i was so worried about astronomy... but now, i can sit back, relax and have a great summer.... yeessss... okay, i'll update later, i just had to share my excitment!
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| Superhero Social |
[21 Apr 2006|09:45am] |
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mood |
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 amused |
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Hey y'all! Last night was a crazy night. CRAZY! lol.... but anyways, I had fun at the social when me and Josh got to hang out. He introduced me to all of his KA brothers... it was just fun. And he thought i looked really good so that made me happy. I actually made my Wonder Woman outfit! lol... But i think it looked cute altogether. Anyways... here is one little picture of us. Remember the theme was Superhero.... I'm wonder woman, and he is Bud Knight... yeah lol... the picture will explain. Alright later!
http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b225/kenz86/n60602564_30208369_82.jpg
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| Listen to this |
[03 Apr 2006|11:09pm] |
this wed at 2 min and 3 secs after 1 am, the time and date will be 01:02:03 04/05/06. that wont happen again for another thousand years
okay that was worth posting in livejournal:)
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| LAME |
[03 Apr 2006|04:23pm] |
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yeah so i've pretty much come up with the idea that livejournal blows.... yeah. haha I don't think I'm gonna write in it anymore, lol... well maybe if y'all are lucky. but yeah livejournal is lame.
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[26 Mar 2006|10:56pm] |
I just thought this was funny... seeing as I own this shirt:) haha... yeah I've decided I'm too lazy to post pictures, so if ya wanna see em check em out on facebook or myspace... lol later!
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| yayayayay!!! |
[26 Mar 2006|06:08pm] |
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mood |
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 I'm feeling MUCH better!!! |
] |
Hey you guys:) So I'm out at school for all my Zeta meetings, and I feel sooooo much better:) Seriously just seeing all my zeta sisters has made me feel so much better. I LOVE THEM! I feel like things will finally start getting back on track. I can't even explain to y'all how depressed I have been this past week. It's all been so overwhelming. I'm just ready to get back on track and be focused with school and Zeta... I went and got some pictures developed today too. I will post some when I get home. I just wanted to write down some happy thoughts, seeing as everything lately has been shitty... sooo I hope everyone is having as nice of a day as me. I'll post more later since I have no life! <3 Mackenzie xoxo
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| Cy said I had to... soooo |
[23 Mar 2006|09:58am] |
001. reply with your name and i'll respond with some random things about you.
002. i'll tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
003. i'll pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
004. i'll say something that only makes sense to you and me.
005. i'll tell you my first memory of you.
006. i'll tell you what animal you remind me of.
007. i'll ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
008. if i do this for you, you must post this on your journal. you must. it is written.
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| SPRING BREAK! |
[10 Mar 2006|03:29pm] |
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mood |
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 lazy |
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hey you guys!
So today I have done nothing, and I feel bad because of it. I really wanted to go to the beach, but no one could go, and it looked really over cast, so i decided to sleep in. Then I watched the real world, now I wanna go down to the keys, haha... gosh I wish spring break were longer. Then I felt fat so I went for a jog, so at least I didn't lay on my ass the entire day! lol... i just got out of the shower, and I think I'll prob go to the tanning bed, seeing as I couldn't get any real sun today. But casey and alex actually said I looked tan, so I now I must! haha... yeah last night I hung out with those crazy two. I love them. We made dinner together. Like an old married couple or tricouple, seeing as I, the third wheel was there.
But I'm going to the beach on Tuesday with Jason anyways. He wants to take me there for dinner. It should be nice. I just have no idea what to wear.
Tonight I'm gonna see mere and case. We'll prob end up sleeping at mere's. then go shopping in Naples tomorrow. I can't wait. Even though I really can't spend any $$$$. I'll treat myself to like one shirt though... haha, even though I just bought so many last week. Mere and case will have to help me figure out what to wear.
ANYWHO! I wish I could stay on break forever. I just want summer to be here. Then I can be a sophmore! And the summer after that I am definently doing study abroad. Either London or Australia... I still can't decide. We will see. I'm just excited for that. Okay... well, y'all I better go get dressed and get off my ass. Later! And have a nice rest of spring break! Take care :)
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| Mack got herself a date:) |
[08 Mar 2006|10:06am] |
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mood |
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yay! |
] |
Jason just asked me out on a date:)!!! Awwww.... and he did it in the cutest way! yay, I'm so excited, he's really sweet! xoxoxo
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| I love me my ali <3 |
[05 Mar 2006|02:50pm] |
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mood |
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relaxed |
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Last night was so nice:)
I got to see Alison! And I met her bf Regan... and omg, he is so nice. They seem to really like eachother, I'm so happy for alison. Regan even played the piano for us and sang Your Song by elton john... how sweet is that. I love it. I have to go up and visit them in Minnesota. It was just so nice to see her though. I miss alison so much! We just get along so well, and she is one of the sweetest people i have ever met. I have so many great memories with her. We've known eachother for so long! I was thinking about it, and it's been 10 years now... all the way back to our Hanson fan days lol... okay, i need to stop getting all mushy!
i'm loosing weight. I love that. I need to, so it's good. my jeans are getting to big, i need to shop... AGAIN!!! haha... I spend way too much $$$$$$ but I can't help it. it makes me to happy to stop... ha
I'm really tired. I think I'm gonna take a nap, how nice does that sound!?! Pretty damn nice... haaaa, okay y'all take care.
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kenz86's journal
excited
